Chicken Soup or some shit I threw in a pot

Zachary Elledge
Jan 4, 2017
3 min read

For me chicken soup is mostly a use up for all of the stuff I’ve made in previous days. To me it is better known as shit I threw in a pot with maybe some chicken and sometimes a liquid or maybe a car tire. It is very hard to ruin chicken soup. It tends to taste like warm chicken broth plus if you are eating it when you’re sick do you really care that much anyway? That is why this recipe is mostly suggestions of different things I’ve done over the years to my “chicken soup.” I haven’t died from it yet and neither will you unless you have some unknown allergy to eating rubber tire. If you do though I would suggest not making most of my recipes.

Ingredients:

Leftover whole chicken or 3 chicken breasts whatever you’re into

4 cups of chicken broth if you just made a whole chicken you can easily turn it into chicken broth by simmering it in some water with herbs and carrots and celery for a couple hours. You see I can give real advice in these things. It is not just rambling.

Salt and pepper refer to the frittata recipe for various forms of salt and pepper

1 cup of carrots

1 onion

2 stalks of celery

2 cloves of garlic

2 tablespoons of sage, thyme, oregano, rosemary, basil, and car tire

1 can of corn

2 apples (I recommend gala not red delicious because I am not a child who likes the taste of nothing. Sorry, red delicious and I have some relationship issues. Red delicious cheated on me with a pie crust and I’m slow to trust again. I mean we’re trying to work it out but I don’t know if I’m ready to go back again. I mean it’s a cycle I don’t think we are good for each other. Tell me your opinion through email or in the comments)

Asshole

Slut

Juice of 1 lemon I told you we were getting weird strap in from here

1/2 cup of apple butter (I took revenge on red delicious by sleeping with apple butter and slashing his tires to his BMW. Not so delicious now are you red?)

1 cup of cranberry sauce I should probably refer to this as the post-Thanksgiving chicken soup but screw you this is my recipe

2 beers one to drown your fruit based sorrows in and one for the soup. I don’t care what kind maybe a pumpkin one you figure it out.

Some type of starch if you have it I like to use stuffing but it can also be rice or some type of noodle. Listen I’m sorry for lashing out at you for the last couple of ingredients. It’s just hard you know? I didn’t expect my life to turn out like this and I’m feeling vulnerable. I hope you can forgive me.

Instructions:

Sauté carrots, onion celery, garlic, corn, and non-red delicious apples with salt and pepper and the herbs and car tire mentioned after over medium heat.
Look for some new places you could possibly live after you leave red delicious.
Change to high heat and put in beer simmer for a minute to burn off alcohol.
Come up with new apple based burns.
Add lemon, cranberry sauce, apple butter, and chicken stock.
I should have married golden instead he was always so good to me.
Bring to a boil and back down to simmer for some amount of time. Does an hour work for you? If it does, then simmer for an hour.
Shred and add chicken to pot and simmer for another ten minutes
Don’t worry if you break down into tears while you cook because they make an excellent seasoning.
Cook your various starch. I would leave the starch separate from the pot because if you put it all into the pot it will suck up all the liquid and leave you with pasta, vegetables, and chicken. Second good advice for the recipe I’m on a roll.
Confront red delicious.
I appreciate you being here for this. I’m sorry I’ve been in a funk lately but it will get better and since confronting red delicious I feel like I am going to be able to move past this. So, if I can give you a piece of advice, confront your red delicious and never look back.