Frittata (I think this is how it is spelled)
I know this isn’t a traditional Christmas dish and that baby Jesus (the best Jesus) is probably rolling in his grave but let’s live dangerously for once in our lives. Life is long and hard, dick jokes withstanding, and we should spice it up occasionally. I know what you’re thinking “Zack”, you’re thinking, “Zack, frittatas are for communists and even worse it’s Italian and they don’t even celebrate Christmas.” Normally I would be inclined to agree with you, but Italians sometimes have good ideas and the frittata is one of them so shut up and listen to me. On to the ingredients.
Secretary Decaprio coming to take your money and redistribute it with his handsomeness
Ingredients:
12 eggs you’re going to need eggs just put the idea out of your head that they are unborn chicken babies
Salt and pepper the 90s-female rap group to play in the background whist you cook your frittas
Salt and pepper the 1968 thriller action movie starring Peter Lawford as Christopher Pepper and Sammy Davis Jr. as Charles Salt
Salt and pepper the one that seasons and brings out flavor in dishes unlike the previous two
First type of Salt and Pepper
Second type of Salt and Pepper
Third type of Salt and Pepper
3/4 cup of some type of cheese I’m leaving this up to you it can be cheddar, parmesan, gorgonzola because it’s fun to say, brie if you are being fancy which we always are, blue if you’re a weird pervert, mozzarella if you’ve stopped caring, cottage if you don’t realize you are making a frittata, swiss if you are boring, or the cake verity if you’ve given up and want some cheesecake.
Pinch of hot sauce or cayenne because like I said before we are living dangerously
1 onion
1 potato baked or boiled make the decision for yourself
2 cups of Spinach if you’re healthy and you want everyone else to hate you
1 bell pepper (mostly filler)
1 spicy pepper such as poblano but it can be any you want depending how much you want to surprise people with your tolerance to pain
1 can of corn
2 tablespoon of thyme or more because we could always use more thyme. I’ve wasted so much thyme in my life I must admit I don’t know what I doing please help me.
2 tablespoon of basil
2 tablespoon of sage always put more herbs/spices in the dish than you think you need better yet just pour the whole thing in there it’ll sort itself out
Instructions:
Preheat oven to 375 or remove flame thrower from holster.
Bake or boil potatoes at 375 until they can be pierced with your custom samurai katana or any other novelty sword you possess.
Cut onion, bell pepper, and spicy pepper with said broad sword.
Sauté vegetables minus spinach over medium heat with either some butter or olive oil to coat the bottom of the pan. I’m trusting you on this one so I didn’t put an actual amount but I believe in you.
Throw out burned vegetables because you didn’t use enough olive oil or butter.
Order pizza instead.
While pizza is coming attempt to sauté your vegetables again around 8 minutes or until you feel they are soft enough. While cooking add salt and pepper and herbs. If you have fresh herbs you probably don’t need my help since you are clearly working over my head.
Wilt spinach in the pan using more butter over medium heat.
Break 12 eggs that cool way where it only requires one hand. Invite your friends to come watch how skilled you are.
Wisk your friends away and then the eggs.
Grate cheese, save a little for yourself that you say would be too dangerous to grate because you don’t want to cut your hands but really you just want to eat cheese.
Add all the ingredients into the eggs and either cayenne or hot sauce.
Pay pizza guy.
Eat pizza to tide you over until you finish the frittata.
Pour egg and vegetable mixture into some sort of greased skillet. I always forget to grease the skillet so don’t feel too bad if you do too. I like cast iron but I’m an asshole so use whatever you want.
Cook on burner for like a minute so edges set.
Bake for some amount of time until the eggs have set and you are not feeding people salmonella probably 15 minutes.
Finish pizza and save frittata for later.
